Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
