what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
