I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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