it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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