I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
