Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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