I smell stomach acid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
