the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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