is your mom at the bar?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
