I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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