cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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