Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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