someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
