So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
