Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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