i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
