y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
