you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize