I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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