I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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