I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
