Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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