A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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