She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
