i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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