guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
