you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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