Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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