He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
