Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
