Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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