A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Someone shit on the floor
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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