seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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