Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
