Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
