Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
