he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
