Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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