hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
