Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
