New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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