My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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