I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
