you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
