my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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