i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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