im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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