To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
