I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
