OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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