I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I color on your dick again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
