She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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