Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
