Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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