Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
