I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
