drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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