You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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