I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize