when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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