I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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