You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
