My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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