I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
