Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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