I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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