did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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