Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
