You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
