watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Couch. On fire.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
