What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
