would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
