Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
