lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
