yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
