Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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